Walking outside, I quicken my pace thinking that the day would cooperate and hasten its flow of time as well. I hate everything I see. The people that gathers outside. The smoke and pollution in the air. Even the people that walk past me taking their leisurely time and keeps on blocking my way. In my mind, all I had was the goal to finish the race and walk up to the door and enjoy the cool air of my air-conditioned new room. And yet the day keeps on pissing me off...
Outside the building I kept on seeing familiar faces, those that I've somewhat "befriended" in class. But now that I'm alone (without the company of my former buddies) I've learned the fact that the only reason they were hanging out with me was because of THEM. That in truth, there were really no REAL friends there. Again, as I've thought. To them, I am but a vague memory. Someone you brush off with on the train or somewhere and ignore the next second. Yup, I am a shadow. But to think that I used to believe on those "fake smiles". Humans really are great fakers, especially towards those that they think are of benefit to them. Yeah, I've known of this method all along. How many times in the past have I already been betrayed already? Towards them, there is no trust. Just the usual, "gamitan". I think I better rephrase myself on how I act at school. Better yet, I need to get rid of the unwanted in my precious list.
Now that I think about it, i guess i'm too soft on people. I let them inside my life so easily since i've already been ready to let go of them as much. Even so, because of this so-called "softness", people around me take me for granted. Use me like a toy. Make every waking opportunity to step all over me! I Fu*CK*Ng Hate iT! (>_< How much hurt have been accumulated inside me already??! There's no one to talk to because every one of them is a freaking selfish BraTs! Liars, all of them! I hate them! And still I can't throw them out of my life, I start hating myself too! Just how longer must I keep on acting like an angel and paste this fake smile on my face? really?! Ugh...this is giving me a headache. Just thinking of all these things is putting pressure to me. I want to throw them out. I want to change and be the one stepping on them for a chance. But still, this mask that i wear has its benefits. So must i keep on wearing it a little longer?
Back to school topics, I like our professor. "It" seems to be a nice one as well. Keeping up the facade and acting all obedient and goody-goody makes my grades rise. It's nice if your teacher is unbiased towards favoritism, but since you're "good and smart", they'd like to think of themselves living in my shoes from when they were younger. Though you can't admit, most people would get affectionate towards the "handsome & popular" lads in class, I know a person when i get to talk to them for a while. I can see their eyes flicker towards mine with such anticipation and hope that i'm not like the rest of the fishies in the tank that glop and stare at them like an idiot whenever the professor has school-related questions. And like a goody-goody student, i meet those expectations, reluctantly. For my benefit, mainly. As my high school teacher once told the class, there are two types of student that the teacher remembers; the naughty and the nice ones. And i'd like to be remembered as a NICE guy. "that" teacher is such a hard worker. And a slave driver at most. I've only known "it" for a few hours and i already had an idea of how "it" works. Smart, an introvert at that one and quiet, just like me! How interesting. And how BORING!
Speaking of boring, right now I am. So, later!
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