Mood: Pissed off
Time: 1520hrs
So its the time of the month/year or something again.
The time I feared everyday for the past few weeks after my last encounter.
This fucked up place is rotten to the core.
All I want is some peace and quiet.
To be able to sleep and rest peacefully during the wee hours of the day.
But these fucking neighbors keep on pissing me off!
To make matters worse, the fucking government/official/people in charge of the peace and tranquility in this fucking place does nothing!
I really hate people.
I hate this government.
I hate humans!
I hate everything and everyone around me!!!
FUck! Fuck! FUCKKKKKKK!!!
And why why why do I have to endure???!
Why why why do I have to quietly accept this???!
Because I'm powerless!
Because I'm penniless!
Because the people around me are weak!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate this!
I hate suffering like this!
I fucking hate, hate hate it!!!
Die, die, die......
How do i die???
Last night i kept praying....
I kept asking for God to save me......
Save me, save me, save me from my misery......
But no God came....
No human came......
No one came for me.....
I did it myself...
I went to the officials myself.
I gathered enough courage to put my complaints but did those fucking people listen to me???!
NOO! NO! NO! NO!NO! NO! NO! NO!
Those fucking people. These fucking people! Every fucking people in this godless world!!
No one helped me!
I hate it. Hate it. hate it. hate it.
No one cares for me.
No one loves me.
No one tries to understand me.
Kill. Kill. kill.
I want to kill.
i want to kill people.
i want these vermin around me to die.
die. die. die.
i hate this.
hate this.
No matter how much i do my best nothing matters.
No one saves me.
There is no salvation for me.
Why is there a supposed GOD in this world when all he does is sit silent and still in wherever the fuck it is......
I hate you.
I hate you.
i hate you.
You who is supposed to be my salvation, i hate you.
I should've never come to know of something like you when you won't even spare me some of your time and grace and so-called mercy......
Fuck this world.
Why was I born in this world?
Why was i created?
why was i the one alive???!
I hate it. hate it. hate it.
i wanna die.
die
die
someone kill me
kill me
kill me
kill me.....
If anyone's reading this, please save me......
save me from my misery
i can't take it anymore
i don't want to become a monster
i dont want to kill or hurt anyone in the future
i dont want to hate any more than i do
save me
save me
save me
someone please save me..........
pleaseeeeeeee.......
please...........
Friday, July 24, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Day190 Year2015
Mood: S.A.D.
Time: 2131hrs
Here I am again. Alone in my room.
Grounded, as they say, even though I am already an adult.
In this country where familial ties are important and as the leecher that I am; I cannot leave this place on my own just yet.
I am grounded.
No internet.
I just loiter around the house watching cable all day.
It's raining.
There's a series of typhoons menacing our nation recently.
It still hasn't calmed down and the downpour keeps going and going without a sign of relief from Heaven.
I am alone again.
I have kicked the bitch that pesters around here in "my" room.
She is ridden with virus and intently spreads it around.
I don't want to catch its cold, especially cough, which gives me a hard time since I'm asthmatic.
I've told "it" countless times over to cover the mouth with cloth when coughing, but it doesn't fucking listen. I swear, one day, I'm gonna kill that fucking retard.
Better keep the newly bought, freshly sharp knife away from my hands.
Well, gonna bitch about life again....
So we have certain roles in the house.
Tasks, if you will.
I am tasked to cook, clean, do the laundry and some other things everyday since I am a fucking free loader, as my mother implies.
And my other sibling's task is to prepare our pet's meals, cook rice and go back to his games and eat and sleep and get lazy as much as that idiot fucking wants.
So when I get to cross the boundary of doing his fucking chores for him and getting screamed at my mother at the end of the day at how "lazy" and "fat-ass" I am...that really pisses me off since I know for a fact that I am not.
And here's the kicker...
Aside from being called useless despite the opposite, I get blamed for all the shitty things that happens in this fucking house.
Like if something goes missing, or something is broken, it's always ME!
Like, what the fuck bitch?! Am I the only person living in this house?
I have, like, 2 other siblings loitering in this place.
I love peace and quiet but then you just prance around and scream at me and blame me just because I'm always the person available that you see....
And so again, I'm quite the bitch if you are but mostly I'm an angel.
Out of the consideration and goodness of my heart, I volunteer to do stuff and buy food whenever there aren't any in the house. Like this one time I bought bread using money I've saved. But then you wake up that there's no more left even for you despite just having bought it and it should've sufficed until the day after but its gone. I go like, "what the fuck?" "Are those stomachs of yours bottomless?"
And we've just 4 people living in the house right now and its like, gone? Seriously??!
And being the person that I am, I am always forced to do manly stuff even though frankly, I am but one...and the only guy in the family (in us 3 siblings) is just sitting there in his ass eating whenever it goes hungry and playing games all day long.
I really hate injustice, especially if it happens to me.
I swear to myself to just fuck it and drop everything off since I get blamed anyway and I'm already useless in that fucked up mother's eyes, but then the compassionate side of me cannot overlook such things.....Ughhhh.......
Sometimes I wish I was born a bitch.
So I won't fucking care either way.
I've always lived not having what I want.
I've grown up not depending on anyone and doing things on my own.
But as long as I am in this house, under the roof of this fucked up family, and without power nor money to get out of this place; I am forced to grit my teeth and go along with the same old bullshit day after day after day until I do get a job of my own.....
Yeah, so I really fucking hate my life and there is no God to help me.
Not even friends nor relatives nor anyone for that matter.
Shit..........
Time: 2131hrs
Here I am again. Alone in my room.
Grounded, as they say, even though I am already an adult.
In this country where familial ties are important and as the leecher that I am; I cannot leave this place on my own just yet.
I am grounded.
No internet.
I just loiter around the house watching cable all day.
It's raining.
There's a series of typhoons menacing our nation recently.
It still hasn't calmed down and the downpour keeps going and going without a sign of relief from Heaven.
I am alone again.
I have kicked the bitch that pesters around here in "my" room.
She is ridden with virus and intently spreads it around.
I don't want to catch its cold, especially cough, which gives me a hard time since I'm asthmatic.
I've told "it" countless times over to cover the mouth with cloth when coughing, but it doesn't fucking listen. I swear, one day, I'm gonna kill that fucking retard.
Better keep the newly bought, freshly sharp knife away from my hands.
Well, gonna bitch about life again....
So we have certain roles in the house.
Tasks, if you will.
I am tasked to cook, clean, do the laundry and some other things everyday since I am a fucking free loader, as my mother implies.
And my other sibling's task is to prepare our pet's meals, cook rice and go back to his games and eat and sleep and get lazy as much as that idiot fucking wants.
So when I get to cross the boundary of doing his fucking chores for him and getting screamed at my mother at the end of the day at how "lazy" and "fat-ass" I am...that really pisses me off since I know for a fact that I am not.
And here's the kicker...
Aside from being called useless despite the opposite, I get blamed for all the shitty things that happens in this fucking house.
Like if something goes missing, or something is broken, it's always ME!
Like, what the fuck bitch?! Am I the only person living in this house?
I have, like, 2 other siblings loitering in this place.
I love peace and quiet but then you just prance around and scream at me and blame me just because I'm always the person available that you see....
And so again, I'm quite the bitch if you are but mostly I'm an angel.
Out of the consideration and goodness of my heart, I volunteer to do stuff and buy food whenever there aren't any in the house. Like this one time I bought bread using money I've saved. But then you wake up that there's no more left even for you despite just having bought it and it should've sufficed until the day after but its gone. I go like, "what the fuck?" "Are those stomachs of yours bottomless?"
And we've just 4 people living in the house right now and its like, gone? Seriously??!
And being the person that I am, I am always forced to do manly stuff even though frankly, I am but one...and the only guy in the family (in us 3 siblings) is just sitting there in his ass eating whenever it goes hungry and playing games all day long.
I really hate injustice, especially if it happens to me.
I swear to myself to just fuck it and drop everything off since I get blamed anyway and I'm already useless in that fucked up mother's eyes, but then the compassionate side of me cannot overlook such things.....Ughhhh.......
Sometimes I wish I was born a bitch.
So I won't fucking care either way.
I've always lived not having what I want.
I've grown up not depending on anyone and doing things on my own.
But as long as I am in this house, under the roof of this fucked up family, and without power nor money to get out of this place; I am forced to grit my teeth and go along with the same old bullshit day after day after day until I do get a job of my own.....
Yeah, so I really fucking hate my life and there is no God to help me.
Not even friends nor relatives nor anyone for that matter.
Shit..........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)