Time: 2357hrs
Just finished watching this polish Movie titled "Suicide Room" and I wanna share some lines from the movie:
Actually, I don't understand people who kill themselves.
One's got to have courage to live. They are just cowards.
Narcissistic egoists who think the world revolves around them.
How can you give away the most precious gift you have?
How could you do it to yourself and your loved ones?
I don't understand that.
I don't want to.
You live to give to others as much as you can.
~Dominik, Suicide Room
Truth is (some spoilers), Dominik really didn't want to die.
If it weren't for his new found friend/love Sylvia, he wouldn't have the courage to get to school that time and flaunt his uniqueness around the people who mock him. They were just both lonely in their own way but even so, Dominik was much more full of life than Sylvia. I blame her for his death. Really, I do!
But even so, I understand.
I, too, am a shut-in.
I share Sylvia's pains and the real world scares me.
Even then, I have not given up on living reality.
I am sensitive, moreso than the normal person.
We both share a kindred heart.
And the same is true between her & Dominik and that is why they were attracted to each other.
Also, to rebuff his statements, here are some of mine:
Actually, I don't understand people who kill themselves.
[ You never will unless you have felt the same kind of pain we have.]
One's got to have courage to live. They are just cowards.
[If you were born into a world where the people around you treat you like you were never supposed to be born, I think you'll also want to kill yourself. And yes, we are cowards. Running away from the world and all the reality bullshit it entails. But have you thought how much "courage" it also takes to end one's life?]
Narcissistic egoists who think the world revolves around them.
[A bit, maybe. Cause all we can see is our pain. Cause we're bleeding. Inside.]
How can you give away the most precious gift you have?
[Because we never treated it like that. I thought you knew how selfish we are?]
How could you do it to yourself and your loved ones?
[If you really love them, you'd want to end their suffering as much as you do. So...
And I love myself enough to know how much I'm in pain so I need to end it.]
I don't understand that.
I don't want to.
[There you go! And you never will!]
I just don't like how that B*tch forcibly dragged Dominik in a corner.
If it were him, he had a much more fighting chance at life if only she said more encouraging words.
He was afraid, like she said. Afraid of the people he considered "friends" that have betrayed and hurt him deeply. He was looking for a guiding hand to point him in the right direction.
And this is why, people, you should CHOOSE your friends WISELY!
Coz crap like that ends up to the goodies that don't know shit!
Setting the movie aside, its been so long since I've jotted down anything, hasn't it?
I'm still living my life as a shut-in in this 4-walled room of ours (sharing it with sibling).
I've been in this house 24hrs/day, 7days/wk for months now.
Not seeing the sunlight nor breathing the fresh air.
It's been so long since I've talked with the opposite sex or felt the warmth of a touch.
I've grown to hate this world more.
I've also learned to hate crowds and people.
They irritate me.
I wanted to run away.
To escape from this prison called "HOME".
But where to? How?
I have no car nor money to travel.
I am growing old and feeble in this world.
The friends I've come to know are leaving me.
One-by-one, they build their own lives and family.
Soon, they will make offsprings and a new generation of them.
While I remain growing old, and rotting away from their memory.
I am dying.
The person I once were and the person I currently am is being erased from the people I've encountered.
They are becoming more focused with their lives and happy while I rot away in misery.
I don't know what I want.
Or rather, I know but I cannot.
I don't have that much courage with me.
I needed them to tell me if the things I am doing is wrong or right.
I needed people by my side to guide me.
To listen to me.
To understand me.
But in all my years of searching, NONE appeared before me.
Click to watch the Suicide Room
