Day192 Year2012

Time: 1343hrs
Mood: Wee bit annoyed


I am a drifter. I float and get swayed by the current of the water or the flow of the wind. Just yesterday, my mind was blank and without a certain destination went up somewhere and spent most of my money for the travel. That was going out, going somewhere not particularly anywhere and then going home; in just a couple of hours. I hated the idea of coming to school and repeating the same old routine meeting the same old people that I obviously don't like. That's when I thought, "what the heck am I going to school for?" The "me" who was used to studying before and so enthusiastically dreamt of coming to class and answering recitation calls and talking all high and mighty was now diminished to being the vagabond, cutting classes type of person.

Just when I was aging did I start this rebellious phase of mine.
Maybe it's just a way of balancing out myself since from before when I started writing and learning was I such a good student that the very thought of being marked "absent" or even "late" was such a dread to me. And now here I am. Going to school late. Sleeping on some lessons. Not studying for exams at home. Cutting classes early. Even going sideways to the game station and computer shops and passing time just to make it look like I properly went to my classes.

I'm just too worn out from the usual norm of daily living from before that I wanted to experience what others do,even if it is out of curiosity. The loner me who is so accustomed to going "my way" is now being tamed and binded by a VERY demanding person and I cannot put a say to it out of "gratitude".

Sometimes, I just want to be left alone since I've always managed by my self. Being alone is what I have always been and then out of nowhere some pompous little prick enters my life and starts demanding and dragging me everywhere. What I don't understand is that of all the people that love and cherish that person (seriously, they adore you) is why such a person as "I" am the one you chose to drag along with you? I don't have the energy to last whole day. I can't hide the grimace on my face. My jaw and cheeck hurts from constantly having to force myself to put a smile. And the continuous listening to your problems even though the answer is just in front of you.....

Seriously, I am starting to fear school and studying because of YOU.
*sigh* *sigh* *verrrryyyy deeeepppp siiiiighhhhhhh*
How much longer must I endeavor and keep up with this?
Is the year over yet? Is it the next month already?

I wish I could just embrace my pillow and sleep quietly in bed forever.....