Day332 Year2014

Time: 1652hrs
Mood: Dejected


I am hopeless....
Or rather, I have lost hope.
My parents, try as they might, to make me do things or sign me up to do things, i always fail it in the end, thinking to myself, "what's the point?"

In the end, when we face death in the face, we will all die, and everything we've worked up to this point will vanish. Memories. Emotions. Feelings. Physical things.
Life will move on.
People will move on.
And your corpse will stay still 6 feet in the ground, letting everything else pass us by.

The End.
I can imagine it.
But as I am now, all i could do is wait for it to come.
Bored.
Everyday is boring.
Doing things is pointless.
I am merely entertaining myself until i see the end.
There is no point in living.
No one cares any way about how i live, much less how i die.
My friends won't understand.
They have far more other things and people to love and love them.
My parents won't understand.
They have too many problems relating to being an adult.
No one understands.
I've tried to tell others of my inner most thoughts, but as soon as they realize the blackness that is in my heart, they avoid, set their minds else where and ignore me.

No one does.
Even though I am not the only one bearing such pains in this world, this pain is mine alone.
These kind of burdens are mine alone.
Therefore, I can say with certainty...
...no one could possibly understand.

My fears. My sadness. The pain. The loneliness. The hate. The anger. The trust and betrayal.
The sorrow. The tears. The abhorition towards my own existence. No one will know.
These negative feeling that mixes and intertwines.
With a small hint of hope.
But that hope fades fast.
Clinging to religion, i find God a worthless existence and whose greatness exists in name alone.
Clinging to others warmth, I am filled with instant mistrust.
Hurt by past experiences, i distrust humans around me.
I hate them.
Hate them,
Hate me for being born as one of them.
Hate my parents for giving birth to such as I.
Hate me for not being able to kill myself.
Hate the fact that i cling to life as long as i have.
Hate everything.
Hate the world for not noticing.
Hate the people around me.
Hate the people that only need me when they need me.
Hate everything else.
Hate the people that hate me even though i have done nothing to them.
Hate this world and everything in it.
Want to destroy.
Wanting to kill.
Wanting to wreak havoc all around.
Wanting to destroy.
To destroy.
To destroy everything.


If ever the time comes that i commit a crime....
....I assure you, once will never be enough,
If ever the day comes that i have experienced the sweet taste of killing another human being....
....the next thing i'll do would be to kill again.
Until I am stopped in my tracks, I have i feeling that i'll kill again and again.
Until i get used to it.
Until I master it.
The sport of killing.
I will be a killer one day.

So if you don't want that to happen.....
...to avoid needless victims one day.....
.....kill me now.

Find me and kill me.