Day184 Year2013

Mood: Sickly
Time: 0730hrs



It's morning and it just started raining.
The usual bright view from the outside is turned to gray by the weather.
It was actually quite hot the past few days considering the season, so I've wondered when such rain would fall on over our heads.

Also, these past few days, things happened that was inevitable.
Circumstances and even maybe FATE made things progress the way it did.
However, I am still stuck in this "now" without the intention of moving forward.
No, rather, I have every intention to throw away the past, but "unseen" forces makes me lag behind everyone else. I am as always, TRAPPED without the reassuring sight of light.

Again, these past few days, I've come about some few conclusions.
That there is NO GOD. And if there is, then He's one fucked up sadist.
That "friendship" is just a word. It is the time when people come to you in their darkest hours then forget you in times of happiness. Yeah, its fucked up too.
That there is no one in this world that can help you but yourself. So again, companionship is for the weak. And yeah, camaraderie is fucked up again.
That TRUST is no longer for the trustworthy. Since there isn't in the world that is.
That possibilities exist when others give up. There pops up opportunities.
And that there isn't a sure road to the future.

And so, the following days to come, all I can do is trust myself, push myself forward and throw away the excess baggage that is my past. I don't think I'll be needing it if I am to move forward.

Yes, its tiring.
I've felt this pain and burden before.
I grew tired of it and threw it away.
I told myself I don't like it so I have no need for it.
How ironic that such events would come again in the future.

So this is what life is about?
To fight your way until you die?
So living is actually slowly dying....
...so what was I living for again?