Day181 Year2013

Mood: Sickly
Time: 0304hrs



Why does luck come swiftly to others and yet very rarely do it visit me?
They say just do your best and it will eventually lead to something....
How many times have I done something yet achieve nothing?
I don't know about the "doing your best" part, but I know I suffered doing it.
Results are everything.
No matter how much effort you exert, if you have no talent for it, then your effort is wasted on a useless thing. I tried walking a path that I thought would lead me somewhere, but all I faced are hundreds of dead-ends and no exit. I hate it.

[ Try and try until you succeed. ]

Would that include your wasted human years accumulating nothing but failures?
Surely, one should've learned a bit from their past mistakes, but if it is something one cannot possibly do, then one should not have tried in the first place. Its utter pointless.

Also, although people see, doesn't mean they know or understand.
It's something I've learned just recently.
A person I inquired about said to me that I shouldn't complain to my "Friends" if they don't comment or talk to me whenever I rant about regarding my life. That they "too" are facing a harsh world and they have their own lives to bother about. "I understand", I said to myself. I understand perfectly well the selfishness of individuals. How they prioritize their lives above all others. But I am not "anybody" to them. I am supposed to be a [ friend ]. And that certain "friend" is in need of moral help and support. Whence I, on the other hand, was there by their side when they needed me, I want them to be there at the time when I needed their help. Even if they don't understand me, if they really are a "TRUE FRIEND" then words aren't necessary.

Is that so much to ask for?
Is my concept of friendship WRONG?
Was I the only who taught that friends are people that stick together and support each other?
Was I the only one who acted as a FRIEND?

I don't understand.
I do not know their ways.
But I am certain it is selfish.

I've posted many times of how I wanted to kill myself.
But until now, none replied to care.
Where are they, my so-called FRIENDS?
Really,....oh how I HATE THIS WORLD I live in.
How I HATE this life I am living.
As before, kindness is unnecessary in this time.
I have no need for it anymore.