Mood: Deflated and dead tired
I - am - sooooo - tiredddd.....
I went outside and faced the fierce rays of the sun. My eyes practically BURNED in the heat.
I felt like dying.
It was too much to bear.
My throat was always dry and if that wasn't enough, it felt like someone was strangling me.
Again, that sensation continues even in this moment.
I'm so tired.
I want to sleep and relax tomorrow.
Lying in bed without any worries.
The wind blew gently and strongly earlier today.
It was during those times that I can be thankful for the weather especially when clouds are abundant in the sky.It made the day a little less insufferable.
I had to do many things today.
Job hunting, travelling, inquiring, and helping out a friend in need.
Even though friends could be so demanding and bossy whenever they need something from you, as a friend that truly cares you can't ignore their loud pleas. It's because its too noisy too ignore and the only way you can quiet them down is by going along with the flow. How ironic.
On another note, there is a person I am currently attracted to.This person was someone I used to hate.
Naturally, instinctively hate.
The first encounter we had was in a fierce fight over who gets to be the head.
I hated his noisy and loud nature.
I hated his stupid questions that mean almost nothing.
I simply hated him because at the time I barely know him.
So there was no harm in doing things like Hating him.
I never would have thought that the same person I used to abhor down to his core could be this endearing.
You really can never judge a book by its cover.
He is sweet, kind and gentle.
He is curious and paves his own way.
We have so many things alike.
We like so many things just the same.
It only took a single comment.
Simple words and a few seconds for me to appease my former hatred towards him.
At the time, I didn't care about the past.
His existence was so little and of no concern to me that talking forward and eventually finding out that he was the person I used to hate came as a surprise even to myself.
He was no one to begin with.
But he became "someone" right now.
How heart-wrenching it is to hear his name.
Even speaking of it and thinking of him makes me lose my breath.
More so knowing that this person will never be mine....
....but for now, I can have his smile and his kindness.
I want more but that's all I can have for now.
You can never be too greedy.
But knowing that I can't have more like his lips or his kisses....
....I wanted to at least try to ask for them.
So that I won't have more regrets.
So that I can throw away these feelings more freely afterwards.
So that I'll know first-hand before doubting and ending things with my self-conclusions and delusions.
I want to kiss you.
I want to have your kiss.
To taste your lips.
To feel your warmth.
To have you even for a little.
In reality and not in dreams.
I want to have you.
Even though I doubt you'll allow me to.
But even so....
....I can say that I tried.
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