Day26 Year2013

Mood: Somnolent
Time: 2219hrs


    Reading some stuff, I am reminded of things of the past. In my mind, I think of the hurtful things that tear my heart apart. And with that, I realize that no matter how hard I try to hide the hurt; deep inside it still remains. As time passed, thinking that it would heal on its own, I let it be. But the wounds inflicted on the soul/heart can never heal without the proper tools like "forgiveness" or "apology". Therefore, every cut or bruise inflicted on that part will never vanish as long as the healing process doesn't begin.

    "It hurts."
I can never deny that feeling. I let it fuel myself for vengeance. This pain will make me awake from the truth that I am vindictive by nature. I can't rest well so long as the people that inflicted this pain is conscience-free. And just so that I can live day-by-day as if nothing happened, I push it in. Deeper, deeper, inside of me. So that I can function properly. And it piles up. The more I keep it in, the more it destroys me inside. This pain cannot be turned away now.

    "It hurts."
I can't breathe. Even in dreams it haunts me. It manifests in reality. Made me sad. Made me cry while sleeping. It cannot be contained anymore.

Let me bleed. Let the wounds from this heart bleed out. It has become infected and needs to be drained out. Let it ooze along with the blood. For if not, it will be "poison" that eats me inside. Let it bleed out. Inside I am screaming as I panic and scratch at my infected heart.

I am always letting things pass by. Trying to be kind and forgiving. And yet these overwhelming thoughts starts to flow out. It can no longer be contained. I want to see blood. I want it to bleed. Bleed it out.