Day208 Year2012

Time: 2230hrs
Mood: SAD (seasonal affective disorder)


It's been raining nonstop for quite sometime these past few days/weeks now and I've been depending on the cold weather for my mood. More so, the fact that my remaining ounce of freedom in life is being taken by this one VERY persistent person that calls themselves my "Friend".

Is this how its supposed to be?
The position I was in the past that I've desperately tried to change is still recurring despite my pleas to escape. Why can't I escape? Why does people around treat me like slave and take me for granted? They mistake my kindness for submission and use me as a tool for their self-pleasure.

I want to be alone.
It's easier alone.
Being alone, I have free control of my life and the direction it goes to. I have the chance to be happy in my own twisted way. I can be myself and not pretend and continuously put up this fake smile that's tearing my face apart. I hate it. This current me. The way I am unable to break free. The rest are cowards that ran away on whim when in the first place it was them that surrounded "that person" and truly enjoy the company.

Where did I go wrong?
All I did was ask one question and I have a "master" for life?
I hate it. I hate this chain tied around my neck, slowly suffocating me. Or is it me that's trashing around trying to bind the chain tight so that I can die rather than be used like this.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
If everyone around "that person" really likes them, then why won't they trade places with me? And see for themselves the kind of person they really are.....