Day75 Year2016

Mood:  Depressed
Time:   1206hrs


After some time of guessing which is my password out of the 3 or 4 major passwords I use in creating accounts, I've finally hit jackpot.

You do not know, but my computer's hard drive got damaged and it took 2weeks before I could send it for repairs. Which then took 3-4 days to be analyzed and repaired. So hard drive is destroyed/corrupted. All my files which I haven't backed up deleted. And my accounts which I save on my browser and passwords are history.

I have a storage in my brain and thankfully its still functioning.
Now I just lament at the fact that all my manga collection which I've rarely backed up is gone. The manga which I gathered 3years. The music collection, my pictures, my family photos, my important documents that I scanned. All destroyed.

Yes. Fuck.
That's what I said when my computer didn't open its windows. I prayed that the files are still intact, but LO! Praying did nothing and God did nothing of sorts. Yes. Fuck God as always.

I have a short term memory.
I forget the bad things and good things along with it almost instantly.
Its a sort of defense mechanism of my psychological and mental mind.
So that I won't get hurt anymore than I did.
I didn't post most of the pictures on facebook considering one of my family members is a wanted fugitive of the IR.So all those pictures that my family member is included is stored on the files of my previous hard drive/disk....well fuck....I've given up on life so with the occurance of such tragedy its only a matter of time before I walk out of this house and get myself killed or take my own life somewhere in a ditch out there.....

Getting tired of this life shit, you know?
Well, if you'd have only happy days, you wouldn't know, would you?
I know every one of us had our fair shares of trials and betrayals and regrets and such, but most people out there had "someone" they can rely on. That someone that will bear the pain with them. Those who will listen to them. But I, on the other hand, don't have those "someone".
All I do is bear my problems on my own, listen to my rants on my own, and get ignored and used by people who call themselves my "friend".
So yeah, you wouldn't know.

Anyway, I don't laugh as much.
All I do is whine and regret.
And wallow in self-pity and anger and depression......
Its my life, if you could call it that.
So understand my wish of killing myself.....
And that I be forgiven someday if I do succeed...