Time: 1807hrs
Mood: Melancholic
I know.
After a wonderful and delightful day yesterday, I know I shouldn't mope and be bitter today. Even so, I am.
I just realized that after all these years, the people that I've looked down with my prideful spite are now being industrious and making a name for themselves. They are moving forward, doing the things not particularly that they like, but because they have to in order to live.
They are fortunate.
They have a vision.
A goal.
A dream they want to achieve.
I have no such things.
Neither do I have something I want to protect.
I only have my self.
I don't want that.
I don't want to live only for my sake.
Such selfish deeds are not like me.
My wish is more noble and more simple.
So simple that I thought it could be achieved.
Years pass by and I look into the pictures of my former classmates.
They have made families. Built houses. Work daily and live lively and cheerful lives.
They are not stuck in the past or rotting somewhere in a corner.
They are living and doing their best no matter what comes to them.
I, on the other hand, cannot.
I don't have my family's support.
I have no one's love behind my back.
I am alone now than before.
Why is that?
Yet, I still live.
Why is that?
I have (almost) dies countless times in the past.
Near-death (accidental) ones, but not completely dead.
Why is that?
Who and for what purpose am I being kept alive?
All I want was someone's words to tell me that its all right.
That I'm not alone.
That when the time comes that I fall, they would be there to help me stand again.
|Such certainty.
Such reassuring words.
Why have I not heard them in this lifetime?
And yet, I still continue to live.
Just because of my stubbornness to submit.
For what do I cling on to this life?
Why?
