Mood: Malaise
Time: 1836hrs
I've fallen.
To the depths of despair.
I'm lost.
And yet to be found.
I've watched the people around me.
Those that I've helped and supported no have left me.
I'm alone.
More so than before.
No one remembers me.
Like I never existed in the first place.
Then why, I wonder, was I born?
If there are people who's name is the same as mine.
If there are people who can do better than I.
Why, dear God, have I been brought up into this world?
I don't have what it takes to take up the problems of life.
I have no reason to live.
There is none who loves me.
No one cares about me.
No one appreciates me.
......
How ironic.
I smirk as I pause while typing.
My randomized playlist of music turns on the song by Katy Perry.
The song was Fireworks.
Dear God,
Is this your answer to my questions?
How laughable.
I know music has always been my source of comfort even before, but this...
..its just...
nothing.
I know.
All I do is rant and complain about how life is unfair and unkind.
I know there are others out there that is far worse condition than I am.
But still.
There were people around that helped them.
There was someone they could go to for help.
There were those that would try to understand them and hear them out.
In my case, there were few or none at all.
Because people are selfish.
Because this life is unkind.
Because it is as it is.
That living is a continuous pain and only those with power and money get to enjoy it.
I know.
I know very well the conditions a person has to have to live an ideal and peaceful life.
I know because I have none of the qualifications.
Because I am this kind of person.
Because I am me.
That people ignore me, forget me, use me then toss me aside.
I hate it.
Being the person I am.
I hate how I feel like I can do nothing about it.
How hopeless my view of life is.
And how weak I am for not even trying.
I want others to depend on me, but really, its me who depends on them.
Without someone telling me what to do, I get lost.
Confused.
Again, my playlist mocks me.
It's playing Evanescence's song.
The title,
Missing.
It's something I've been feeling lately.
It expresses my thoughts and emotions very honestly.
And still, no matter how much I sing it from the bottom of my heart...
...no one's missing me.
How very unfortunate of me.
Unfortunate indeed.
